If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my prot¨¦g¨¦ and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget? 
what with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime 

An old man turned ninety-eight 
He won the lottery and died the next day 
It's a black fly in your chardonnay 
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late 
Isn't it ironic... don't you think 

[Chorus] 
It's like rain on your wedding day 
It's a free ride when you've already paid 
It's the good advice that you just didn't take 
Who would've thought... it figures
 
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly 
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye 
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight 
And as the plane crashed down he thought 
"Well, isn't this nice." And Isn't this ironic ... don't you think? 

[Chorus] 

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right 
And life has a funny way of helping you out when 
You think evertyhing's gone wrong and everything blows up 
In your face 
A traffic jam when you're already late 
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break 
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife 
It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife 
And isn't it ironic... don't you think 
A little too ironic.. and yeah I really do think... 

[Chorus] 

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 
And life has a funny funny way of helping you out 
helping you out  

how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how 'bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more that I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how 'bout no longer being masochistic
how 'bout remembering your divinity
how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how 'bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence

You from New York you are so relevant
You reduce me to cosmic tears
Luminous more so than most anyone
Unapologetically alive knot in my stomach
And lump in my throat
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
So pure such an expression
Suppossed former infatuation junkie
I sink three pointers and you wax poetically
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
So pure such an expression
Let's grease the wheel over tea
Let's discuss things in confidence
Let's be outspoken let's be ridiculous
Let's solve the world's problmes
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
So pure such an expression 

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you